Turning You On to Yourself

So there you are, on a date, in a romantic situation, physical even, and your libido is lagging! You're not 'feeling it', you're in your head, you're distracted, and you're frustrated by the whole experience because you want to be enjoying yourself but you're stuck - like a cd skipping. This is not a recipe for romance for sure! How many of us want to be having better sex lives and have access to more of our libido but we feel as if all the things we're doing get in the way? We're working hard, we're taking care of the people we love physically and emotionally, we bear the stress of others, we let everything in and at the end of all this "doing" there's no room for the experience of our own selves left! This is why by the time we get to romance and sexuality, it's not what we want it to be. This is why low libido is such a big issue for women.

So there I was recently, about to have dinner with someone special, but I had just gotten into a tremendously stressful conversation with someone the day before. Try as I had, to move it out of my body, to exercise, to vent to friends - the residue of the stress was still all over me. So, as much as I wanted to get connected to my date, there was too much distance. By trying not to bring this up, I was denying myself my own experience! In order to move into being reconnected to my body, so I could get back into pleasure, I had to embrace this experience without judgment, just like I would embrace any thing else that was positive. So I decided to let myself all in while he was there to witness. I let this experience of sharing about the stressful encounter pass through me, like the weather, with him as a witness and then what do you know, the next experience began to pass through me, and before long, I was out of my head, back in my body, and enjoying a very flirtatious dinner conversation!

This is the power of the practice of experiencing yourself. Experiencing yourself means you let all of you 'come to dinner' consciously, you stop trying to "do" things and you start "being" fully yourself. It's a more open, emotionally intimate, and beautifully vulnerable way to be - it is inherently sensual and pleasurable. This way, by the time you're getting to the part where you could be physical, you will not find yourself disconnected, tense, and closed off - but you will find yourself instead, really able to pay attention to the subtle nuances of sensation, the experience of whichever moment you're in, and that will absolutely turn you on and allow you to nurture and strengthen your libido without judgment and with a desire to explore more of your own experience. It is of course very much in line with LSW's definition of womanhood too;)

Read more about how to support your libido in my featured article in the Huffington Post.

in light,
Alisa